Wild Stars as Their Lamps
After breakfast the next day, Chi Yan drove Gu Jianian back to Yunmo.
Because it was still early, the expressway was not congested, and there was no queue when they passed the toll station.
Gu Jianian sat in the passenger seat and turned her head to look at the person beside her, who was focused on driving.
He had shaved, and there was no longer any trace of last night’s exhaustion in his eyes.
It seemed that he had probably slept well last night. Gu Jianian let out a breath of relief.
But she herself could not help yawning.
Last night, when they had talked about his pen name, it had unexpectedly brought out a connection buried by time.
Gu Jianian had been unable to hide her excitement and had talked to him about many things from the past.
For example, how in those years, under her parents’ noses, she had secretly slipped to the bookstore every month to follow his serialisations; how she had managed, without anyone knowing, to get hold of her mother’s phone to post and check replies; and how she had almost been discovered several times.
She also asked many questions that had confused her when she read his stories back then.
The two of them talked deep into the night, until the summer rain gradually stopped.
Gu Jianian was still speaking on her side, but Chi Yan had unknowingly fallen asleep.
She stopped talking and sat quietly on the sofa, watching him sleep soundly. Then she tiptoed into the room, took out a thin blanket, and covered him with it before returning to bed.
Yet perhaps because she had already slept in the afternoon, or perhaps because her mood was too excited, Gu Jianian felt no sleepiness at all.
So she opened her phone again and repeatedly looked at the childish messages she had left on that post, and the new reply he had added.
*Little Jianian, thank you for your concern. I’m doing very well. I hope you are too.*
Gu Jianian silently read it word by word many times in the darkness, her brows and eyes curving into the shape of a crescent moon. She could not help rolling around on the bed.
In the latter half of the night, she simply sat up, downloaded the electronic issues of ‘Tilted Words’ from those years from the official website, and reread *Driftwood and the Withered Sea* from beginning to end.
She had to admit that reading it again as an adult, she understood far more than she had at ten or so, and felt something different from it too.
So this morning, Gu Jianian had eaten breakfast with a pair of rabbit-red eyes, making Chi Yan think she had had a nightmare in the middle of the night.
She yawned again.
Gu Jianian rolled down the window halfway and looked at the summer scenery outside, trying to wake herself up.
The scenery in the morning was very different from what she had seen that night. The distant mountains overlapped, lush and green, with mountain mist rising from the forests, veiling half the appearance of the green hills.
Gu Jianian suddenly thought of something and turned to ask Chi Yan, “Your WeChat name is Y.C. That should be the abbreviation of Yanchi, right?”
He was focused on the road ahead, both hands resting easily on the steering wheel, and casually nodded his chin.
Gu Jianian asked again, “Then what about your profile picture? I remember it’s a photo, a forest hidden in heavy fog. Does it have any meaning?”
Chi Yan paused for a moment, lifted his eyelids, and glanced at her. He teased, “Your memory really is good. You can even remember a random WeChat name and profile picture? Looks like you’re suited for humanities.”
Gu Jianian froze for a moment, then gave an ambiguous “mm.”
Her heart instinctively grew nervous, worried that he would ask further.
She racked her brain, trying to remember what profile picture He Jitong used.
Fortunately, Chi Yan seemed to have only asked casually. He answered slowly, “No special meaning. Last September, I went to the Greater Khingan Range alone. I took that photo then and thought it looked nice, so I used it as my profile picture.”
Last September, which was the period after his grandfather passed away.
Before coming to Yunmo, he had gone alone to the Greater Khingan Range?
Gu Jianian could not help asking, “…To clear your mind?”
She found it hard to understand what he had been feeling at the time.
Chi Yan nodded absent-mindedly. “Mm. There are many wild animals in the primeval forest that you don’t usually see, and many, many trees. Larches, white birch forests, Korean spruces…”
As he spoke, he added slowly, “You’d probably like it there. I’ll take you there when there’s a chance.”
His tone was very natural and familiar, but Gu Jianian paused when she heard it.
He said he would take her there when there was a chance?
When would that be?
Gu Jianian suddenly realised that this sudden journey was already over.
Once they returned to Yunmo, perhaps the relationship between them would return to normal again.
Time had already reached late August, and there were only a dozen days left before summer break ended.
And she had also decided to return to Beilin to repeat the year.
What about him?
He would probably still stay in Yunmo, right?
Gu Jianian could not help thinking: if one day, she really had the chance to go with him to the primeval forest of the Greater Khingan Range,
what identity would she have then?
The neighbour’s little sister he had not seen for a long time?
Gu Jianian pursed her lips, her sleepiness disappearing in an instant.
The high spirits that had continued since yesterday, after she decided to repeat the year, were suddenly doused a little at this moment.
He had helped her find the road to the future.
But on that road, would he be there?
When they arrived in Yunmo, it was exactly noon.
It was the time when Gu Jianian usually ate lunch with Grandma.
Before setting off, Chi Yan had already called Grandma.
As soon as the car drove onto the stone bridge, Gu Jianian saw, in front of the familiar two-storey house on the other side of the river, Grandma standing with her cane under the osmanthus tree where they had once taken a photo together.
Waiting for her to come home, as always.
The wheels rolled over a few pebbles that had been washed ashore by the water beneath the bridge. The shadow of the osmanthus tree slowly enlarged, and Gu Jianian’s heart suddenly grew anxious.
When the car stopped, she slowly took a deep breath. Finally, in one burst of courage, she unfastened her seat belt, opened the door, and got out.
Chi Yan also got out of the car, originally thinking to help explain a few things for her.
But seeing grandmother and granddaughter facing each other in silence, he said nothing after all, thinking to leave this time to them.
Gu Jianian hesitantly walked forward and opened her mouth, feeling that she had a stomach full of worries she wanted to tell Grandma.
She wanted to apologise to her for hiding things from her, for ruining the coming-of-age ceremony she had painstakingly arranged, and for running away fragilely without a word, making her worry.
She was even more afraid that Grandma would be disappointed in her.
Gu Jianian still remembered how Grandma had protected her in front of her parents. At that time, Grandma probably had not expected that she was this kind of bad child either.
But with a thousand words reaching her lips, Gu Jianian could not say a single one.
Her gaze trembled. She tugged at the edge of the dress torn by the flower branches and said softly, “…Grandma, the dress you made for me, I accidentally tore it.”
Hearing this, Grandma suddenly reached out to wipe the corner of her eye. Holding her cane, she walked forward and hugged Gu Jianian’s shoulders and back.
“Tingting, don’t be afraid. Grandma will sew it back up for you.”
Gu Jianian buried her face in Grandma’s warm shoulder and gave a muffled “mm.”
Grandma held her for a while, then pulled her into the house, calling Chi Yan in as well.
Gu Jianian thought Grandma wanted to keep him for lunch. Unexpectedly, as soon as she entered, she saw her two cousins carrying a newly bought cake out from the kitchen into the main room.
She stopped in her tracks, surprised to discover that the room was actually full of people.
Her two uncles, her aunts, Auntie Zhang, Uncle Liu… even Uncle Liu’s little bean was there.
Little Bean was still holding that box of soda. He was gritting his teeth as he struggled to carry it onto the table. When he saw her come in, his face turned red. He took a bottle from the box and ran over happily, stuffing it into her hand.
“Sister Tingting, drink soda.”
“I used the travel money you gave me to exchange for soda too. It’s strawberry flavour.”
Little Bean tugged at her sleeve ingratiatingly.
Gu Jianian froze like a statue.
She looked around.
The guests who had come to attend her birthday party that day.
They were all here.
It was as if time had been turned back, seamlessly connecting to before she left.
The midday wind swept past like a cattail fan, warm and peaceful. The newly blooming osmanthus flowers gave off a faint fragrance.
The narrow main room was packed with people. There was no lavish banquet, only cake.
She did not know who started it, but someone began singing the birthday song.
Gu Jianian slowly tightened her palm. Her nails pressed little by little into her flesh, and tears began circling in her eyes.
Until her aunt put eighteen candles into the cake again and gently patted her shoulder.
“Tingting, the birthday girl can’t cry. Come on, blow out the candles. Let’s make another wish.”
Gu Jianian held back her tears and smiled as she answered, “Okay.”
That noon, after returning from Zhoushan, no one asked where she had gone these past two days, and no one asked about her unbearable past.
It was like mountain wind roaring past, leaving behind a clear road.
They had specially set aside another day
to accompany her in eating the birthday cake that belonged to her eighteenth year.
That night, Gu Jianian did not go upstairs. Instead, she curled up in Grandma’s quilt and slept with her.
Grandma’s bed carried the warm, pleasant scent of old bedding.
Gu Jianian looked at the rows of carved marks on the bedpost and asked curiously, “Grandma, what are these?”
Grandma turned her eyes over and smiled. “Those are the marks left from measuring your height every birthday when you were little.”
“The lowest one is one year old, then two years old… five, six, seven.”
Gu Jianian looked at the lines pressed close together and smiled warmly. “I grew so slowly.”
“Not slowly.” Grandma touched those carved marks and laughed. “Every year, you shot upward. From learning to talk to learning to walk, slowly learning how to write your own name, and even baring your teeth and biting people.”
Gu Jianian could not help laughing. “I used to bite people when I was little?”
“How could you not?” Grandma turned back to look at her. “Your bites hurt. Like a little tiger. I remember Little Chi was bitten by you many times too.”
Gu Jianian suddenly felt that little Gu Jianian had truly been mighty.
Let her go bite Chi Yan now?
Even if she borrowed eighteen hearts of a lion, she might still not dare.
Grandmother and granddaughter chatted casually. Gu Jianian turned over and lay on her side, placing both hands under her cheek. Her bright eyes looked at the wrinkles at the corners of Grandma’s eyes.
“Grandma, today, were you the one who asked them to come and celebrate my birthday again?”
“No.” Grandma shook her head. “It was Chen Xi and Chen Suo’s idea. Those two little ghosts heard this morning that you were coming back, then called family after family. For those without phones, they personally went to find them. Your Uncle Liu was still ploughing in the field this morning. The moment he heard the news, he threw down his hoe and came. Auntie Zhang too. She was playing mahjong in town. After receiving the call, she didn’t even complete her hand. She bought a cake, took a three-wheeler, and rushed back to Yunmo.”
“She said our Tingting is the good fortune of all Yunmo. Your eighteenth birthday had to be properly and grandly made up.”
Gu Jianian’s eyes reddened, and she did not know what to say.
Perhaps she had once had misfortune.
But at this very moment, she felt that in this world, there might not be anyone luckier than her.
Only after a long time did she choke out, “Grandma, thank you all. I thought…”
After a while, she finally brought it up.
“Grandma, I’m sorry. I… I’m a rebellious bad child. I hid so many things from you.”
As soon as she finished speaking, she anxiously waited for Grandma’s response. But Grandma only reached out and stroked her hair, abruptly changing the topic.
“Tingting, this time, did you follow Little Chi to Zhoushan?”
“After so many decades, Zhoushan must have changed a lot, right?”
“It’s very good now, very new. It’s a modern city just like Beilin.” After answering, Gu Jianian asked in return, “Grandma, have you been to Zhoushan too?”
Grandma was silent for a while, then nodded. “Mm.”
“Just like you, I also secretly went there one night when I was eighteen. But I was alone. I walked to town, took an ox cart, then continued walking.”
“At that time, there weren’t flat cement roads like there are now. From Yunmo to Zhoushan, you had to cross many mountains. You had to walk a very, very long mountain road.”
Gu Jianian held her breath and listened as Grandma continued.
“Fortunately, the journey was fairly smooth. I caught a few rides and met several kind people who gave me directions. People’s hearts were not as complicated back then as they are now. I went hungry for two meals and entered Zhoushan City in the dark. The aunty at the wonton stall by the city gate saw that I was starving and cooked me a big bowl of wontons for free.”
Gu Jianian could not help asking, “But why did you go to Zhoushan?”
And alone, too.
In that era, there were no expressways, much less convenient long-distance buses.
Grandma smiled and met her eyes. Although those aged eyes were already cloudy, in this darkness, they shone brightly, like the moon in all its waxing and waning.
“Me? I had made a promise with someone. I went to Zhoushan to find him and elope.”
“Tingting, back then, Grandma was even more rebellious than you.”
Leave a Reply