When Fei Ni went to visit Fang Muyang again, she locked the ward door as soon as she entered and recited Shakespeare’s sonnets to him. Afraid that others might hear, she lowered her head and placed her mouth beside his ear, letting each line travel through his ear and into his mind.
As soon as she finished reciting one poem, she immediately opened the door again and continued reading very progressive books to him, reading the newspaper to him page by page, comprehending the latest spirit.
Fei Ni had two nail clippers: one for trimming Fang Muyang’s toenails, and the other for his fingernails. Every week, she cut his hair once, always keeping it at the same length; if his hair grew too long, it would waste shampoo. She washed her own hair with laundry soap, but used shampoo paste on him—Seagull brand. When she lowered her head to recite poetry to him, she could smell the scent of his shampoo. He lay there all the time and had absolutely no need for socks, but she still bought him a new pair. After trimming his toenails, she put them on for him.
When Fei Ni looked at Fang Muyang, there was a tenderness in her gaze that even she herself did not notice. She had placed all her hopes for the future on the man before her.
If he woke up, she could appear in the newspaper, be named an advanced worker, and go to university.
Fei Ni’s tireless visits to the hospital to do good deeds, to the point of forgetting food and sleep, aroused the curiosity of the two elders at home. No one knew a daughter better than her parents. Their youngest daughter had never tripped anyone up, nor had she ever taken advantage of anyone, but she had never been this kind-hearted either. Fei Ni gave her family the same explanation: she was helping Fang Muyang out of admiration for him.
Her parents had no idea how stifling it was for her to make hats in the hat factory, nor did they know how badly she wanted to go to university. She had never said it. This opportunity had been exchanged for by her elder brother going to the countryside. What right did she have to despise it? Of the three children in the family, she was the youngest. If her elder brother had taken either of their parents’ factory positions, she would have been the one sent down to the countryside. Her brother had volunteered to go, saying it was for the sake of his two younger sisters, but in truth, it was for her.
Fei Ni continued doing her good deeds from winter until late spring of the following year.
She secretly recited poetry to Fang Muyang:
It was spring when I was parted from you,
When April, dressed in all its finery,
Infused a youthful spirit into everything,
So that even heavy Saturn laughed and leapt along.
Yet neither the songs of birds,
Nor clusters of flowers in every colour, rich with fragrance,
Could make me tell the story of summer…
It was while she was reciting this poem that Fang Muyang’s eyes moved.
Fei Ni excitedly reached out to touch Fang Muyang’s eyes. Her movement was very gentle, as if she feared that if she touched him even slightly too hard, they would stop moving.
She continued reciting:
Nor do I envy the lily its whiteness,
Nor praise the deep blush of the rose;
They are only fragrant, pleasing carvings,
While you are the true form they seek to imitate.
So for me it is still harsh winter while you are away;
As though teasing your shadow, I tease them into joy.
Fei Ni’s many days of effort finally received their reward. Fang Muyang woke up.
She thought this was the beginning of happiness. Later, she discovered that it was only the illusion of happiness.
Fang Muyang woke up, but the Fang Muyang who woke did not even know who he was. He had forgotten his background, forgotten his heroic deeds, forgotten his age, his parents, and even his own name.
The doctor was not sure whether he still had language comprehension, because he could not say a complete sentence. The first thing he said after waking was to Fei Ni, and even then, the words came out one by one. He asked her, “Who are you?”
The doctor beside him told Fang Muyang, “This is Fei Ni. Before you woke up, she was the one who took care of you.”
A normal person would have said thank you, but he merely repeated Fei Ni’s name.
When the people from the Educated Youth Office heard that Fang Muyang had woken up, they sent someone to visit him. The doctor said Fang Muyang’s condition was not optimistic. He had lost his memory, and this memory loss did not only include who he was and what he had done; he had even forgotten the life skills and study skills he had previously acquired.
Of course Fei Ni could not give up halfway. She continued going to the hospital every day to do good deeds. She started everything from the beginning, first teaching him his name, repeating it again and again, then teaching him how to write it, trying to awaken his memory. She took out the newspaper that reported his heroic rescue and read it to him over and over. The more she read, the more frightened she became. He had already saved three people. If only he had not gone back to save a fourth, he would not have lain in the hospital for so long. Saving three people would still have made him a hero.
Fei Ni no longer trimmed Fang Muyang’s nails for him. Although his awareness was now only that of a six- or seven-year-old child, physically he was, after all, a grown man. Someone awake was different from someone asleep. She taught him how to cut his nails, demonstrating by cutting her own. Then she asked him if he understood; if he did, he should nod. Fang Muyang nodded. Fei Ni handed him the nail clippers, but he grabbed Fei Ni’s hand and brought the clippers to her nails. Fei Ni hurriedly pulled her hand back. “I meant for you to cut your own nails, not mine.” But he seemed not to understand and continued trimming her nails.
Fei Ni’s hand was squeezed red by Fang Muyang, and her ears turned red too. She had never held hands with another man before, though she had watched films and strolled along roads with several men. But after one stroll, nothing ever came of it. It was not that she had never thought of changing her fate through marriage, but when opportunities were delivered to her, she had easily let them pass. She always felt there must be another way to go to university.
She told Fang Muyang to wash his own hair. When water accidentally got into his eyes, she scolded, “So clumsy. I’ll do it.”
The Educated Youth Office paid for Fang Muyang’s food expenses. Usually, the nurses helped him fetch his meals. But on weekends, Fei Ni would cook meat and stew soup herself, put them in lunch boxes, and bring them to Fang Muyang as extra food.
Fang Muyang picked up a piece of spare rib and held it to Fei Ni’s mouth. “You eat too.”
The ribs were side ribs; when buying them, no meat coupons were needed. She had already used up all her meat coupons.
She dodged it and smiled. “I’m not eating. It’s for you.” These days, she had not been willing to touch even the slightest bit of meat or fish, not even an egg. There was only so much money and so many coupons. If she ate, he would have nothing to eat.
As they pushed it back and forth, the rib fell to the floor.
Fei Ni grew angry. “I already said I’m not eating. Are you annoying or what?”
She rinsed the fallen rib with water and put it back into Fang Muyang’s lunch box. In a tone used for coaxing a child, she said, “Hurry and eat.”
“You’ve gotten thinner.”
Fei Ni was very happy. Fang Muyang’s comprehension had improved again. He already knew that eating meat could make someone gain weight.
She said, “It’s good to be a little thinner. Thinner is healthier. If you get better, then we’ll both be better.”
Summer arrived, and Fang Muyang said he wanted ice cream.
Fei Ni had never taught Fang Muyang what ice cream was. She herself had not eaten it in years. Those three words made her optimistic. Perhaps his memory was recovering. She had no spare money to buy him ice cream, so she only bought him a red bean popsicle.
But apart from ice cream, Fang Muyang remembered nothing else. If Fei Ni had not reminded him, he would not even have known he had an elder sister and elder brother.
Fang Muyang had already mastered basic life skills. He even no longer wanted to remain in the hospital. He asked Fei Ni where his home was.
His family’s house had long since been allocated to others. More than ten households were now living there. His parents were still undergoing investigation. In this city, he had no home.
In order to help Fang Muyang recover his memory, she began telling him about the past. Her knowledge of him was far too shallow. If his grandparents and parents had not been so famous, she would not even have known their names. She drew on all her memories, but what she could say still did not exceed ten minutes.
Fei Ni decided to look for Fang Muyang’s girlfriend. They were the typical childhood sweethearts: they had known each other since childhood, gone to school together, and gone to the countryside together. There must be many stories between them. If his girlfriend came and talked to him, perhaps Fang Muyang would remember.
Fei Ni specially went to wait downstairs outside the dormitory building of Fang Muyang’s girlfriend. Looking at the students coming and going, she once again felt a kind of indignation. She was no worse than any of them. If they were placed together in an exam, she would definitely be more qualified than them to attend university. But now they were in university, while she made hats in the hat factory.
As long as Fang Muyang recovered his memory, she would definitely be named an advanced worker. Once she was named advanced, perhaps there would be a recommendation quota for her.
She waited three hours before finally seeing Fang Muyang’s girlfriend, Ling Yi.
Fei Ni was certain Ling Yi still had feelings for Fang Muyang. The joy she showed when she heard that Fang Muyang had woken up was not fake.
When Fang Muyang saw Ling Yi arrive, he smiled before Fei Ni could even introduce her.
That smile made Fei Ni somewhat uncomfortable. She automatically withdrew. She had taken care of him for so many days, and he had never smiled at her like that. His girlfriend had only visited him a few times in total, yet the moment he saw her, he smiled. But that was fine too. Maybe if his girlfriend chatted with him more, he would recover his memory. If Fang Muyang recovered his memory with her help, then she would certainly be named an advanced worker. Once she was named advanced, she could go to university.
Fei Ni grew tired of waiting outside the ward, so she went out to buy soda for the two of them.
She was thirsty too, but she only bought two bottles.
As soon as Fei Ni entered the corridor, she saw Ling Yi leaving the ward. Her eyes were red; she had clearly cried.
Fei Ni handed her a bottle of soda and asked when she would come to see Fang Muyang again.
Ling Yi did not take it. Her voice was full of sadness. “He doesn’t recognise me anymore.”
“But he smiled as soon as he saw you. He’s recovering very quickly. Talk to him more, and maybe he’ll recover his memory. Come again next week.”
The next week, and the week after that, Ling Yi did not come.
The Educated Youth Office again sent people to visit Fang Muyang. The hospital said Fang Muyang was already able to live independently, but recovering his memory would be a long-term process. It might return tomorrow, or it might never return. At this point, he was no longer suited to remain in the hospital.
The leaders from the Educated Youth Office had a talk with Fei Ni. First, they affirmed her kindness. Then they mentioned the issue of Fang Muyang’s placement. Since Fei Ni had such deep feelings for Comrade Hero Fang, and since they were of suitable age, why not have the two of them become husband and wife? In the future, she would be able to take care of Fang Muyang openly and legitimately.
“If the two of you marry, the organisation can handle it as a special case. All procedures can be simplified.”
Fei Ni had not expected that more than half a year of effort would lead to this result. The current Fang Muyang was a burden to every side. After thinking it over, they had decided to throw him to her.
Not only would she not be named an advanced worker, she would also have to marry someone whose intelligence was equivalent to a child’s. Fate really knew how to play jokes on her.
She restrained the surprise and indignation on her face and said as calmly as possible, “I’m not worthy of Fang Muyang.”
“Comrade Fei Ni, this way of thinking is very wrong. You are both revolutionary youths. What is there about being worthy or unworthy?”
Leave a Reply