Mother
Duan Chengzhang’s expression carried a hint of melancholy, mixed with slight awkwardness, but Duan Xu’s gaze towards him was too candid and sincere. Duan Chengzhang thought that his son was still young after all, and it was normal to have such curiosity without much life experience. Therefore, he let out a long sigh and said, “Those things happened many years ago, and I can barely remember them.”
Only a vague outline remained in his mind—a beautiful silhouette, a peach blossom tucked into the girl’s hair. He couldn’t recall what she said or how she smiled.
“Did you feel sad when she left? Did you miss her often?”
“In my youth, with a simple heart, occasional sadness might have occurred, but as time went by, I let go. There are many things more important than youthful love in one’s life. No one cannot live without another, nor is anyone indispensable. You will understand this in the future.” After a moment of silence, Duan Chengzhang asked, “Do you have a girl you like?”
“Yeah,” Duan Xu replied, lowering his gaze.
“Is she a commoner?”
“Yes.”
“You can take her as a concubine in the future.”
Duan Xu suddenly smiled and shook his head. “Then, Father, why didn’t the girl you liked become my stepmother?”
There were always people who refused to compromise, and if one truly loved someone, how could they let them compromise?
Duan Xu didn’t continue this topic and steered the conversation back to political matters. After giving some instructions, Duan Chengzhang seemed to remember something and furrowed his brow. “There will be countless eyes watching you when you return to the capital. Remember to be cautious, especially when facing Fang Xianye… that fellow is now the leader of the literary world in Nandu, and the officials from the Imperial Censorate greatly admire his literary works. You need to be careful not to provoke him.”
Duan Xu nodded. Observing Duan Chengzhang’s expression, he asked, “Father, does Fang Xianye have a grudge against our family?”
Duan Chengzhang lowered his gaze and said, “Just listen to me. Don’t ask too many questions.”
Duan Xu obediently stopped probing further. After a brief chat, Duan Chengzhang let him go to rest. As Duan Xu left the study, he saw Duan Jingyuan, who was stuck by the door. He closed the door and teasingly said, “Eavesdropping on my conversation with Father again?”
Duan Jingyuan tugged at Duan Xu’s sleeve and pulled him aside, asking, “Is Fang Xianye the one who reported you and got you sent to the border camp? He seems to always be against you. Does he really have a grudge against our family?”
Duan Xu remained silent for a moment before casually saying, “Having a grudge is quite normal, isn’t it? Nowadays, who doesn’t have some enemies? We even have a grudge between us.”
Duan Jingyuan widened her eyes in surprise. “What grudge do we have between us?”
“Back when you stole the osmanthus cake and blamed it on me. And you kept saying I wasn’t as good as when we were in Daizhou,” Duan Jingyuan retorted, momentarily speechless. She huffed, “Do you hold grudges forever? Those were childhood matters!”
“You know, you were only eight when you returned to Daizhou for three months. Yet you still remember until today?” Duan Xu swiftly countered.
Duan Jingyuan snorted. “Who knew that the polite and well-behaved Third Brother back then would turn into the slick-tongued person you are now? I have to say it, say it a hundred times if I have to: Third Brother, you’ve really gone astray!”
Duan Xu chuckled but remained silent.
Perhaps due to being the only surviving siblings of their generation, Duan Jingyuan was very close to him. When Duan Xu left Nandu, she was still young, so she didn’t have much impression of him. Later, when she went to Daizhou to visit her grandmother and returned, she couldn’t stop talking about her Third Brother. She claimed that her Third Brother was the best boy in the whole world, and if she were to marry, she would marry someone like her Third Brother.
After Duan Xu returned to Nandu, it took considerable effort to shatter her idyllic fantasies about him. Instead of hearing “I want to marry someone like my Third Brother,” she started saying, “My Third Brother is a big liar.” Although they bickered every day, she fiercely defended him in public and wouldn’t tolerate anyone speaking ill of him.
Glancing at the scrolls in Duan Xu’s hands, Duan Jingyuan asked, “Third Brother, are you really getting married?”
Duan Xu’s gaze also fell on the scrolls. “Perhaps.”
“Of course, you always listen to Father. If Father arranges your marriage, then so be it? This is a major event in your life!” Duan Jingyuan chattered away, her gaze drifting towards a distant wooden house. “This should be looked after by Mother, but…”
It had been several hours since Duan Xu returned to the mansion, and Mother hadn’t appeared yet. Sensing her slip of the tongue, Duan Jingyuan hastily explained, “Mother is fasting and can’t stand the smell of meat. That’s why she didn’t join us for dinner. Originally, she thought you would arrive in the afternoon, so she spent the morning in seclusion, not allowing anyone to disturb…”
Duan Xu’s expression remained unchanged, and he casually said, “Jingyuan, what are you worried about?”
Duan Jingyuan thought to herself, What am I worried about? It’s just that you and Mother have never been close, and I’m afraid of any further discord between you two.
As if sensing her concern, Duan Xu said frankly, “I’m planning to visit Mother in the Buddhist hall. Don’t worry.”
He handed the scrolls to Duan Jingyuan and asked her to take a look first. Then he called for Chenying and asked him to accompany him to the backyard Buddhist hall to see Mother.
Earlier, he had introduced his “adoptive brother” to the family and explained that Chenying would be living in the mansion from now on. Because he used to dislike having followers and didn’t have a personal attendant, his decision to have Chenying by his side surprised the family.
His sister-in-law was the most delighted. She said that the family was not prosperous, and with only Duan Yiqi as a student, he was lonely. With Chenying’s arrival, he could have company. Duan Yiqi insisted that if Little Uncle accepted Chenying as his younger brother, wouldn’t he have to call Chenying “Uncle” too? But Chenying was a few years younger than Duan Yiqi, so Duan Yiqi naturally objected. After a lot of arguing, it was finally agreed that he could just call Chenying by his name.
Duan Jingyuan scrutinized Chenying for a long time before bluntly saying to her Third Brother, “Third Brother, your adopted brother is a bit rustic.”
After a pause, she confidently declared, “Hand him over to me, and within a year, I’ll turn him into a noble gentleman of Nandu.”
“Don’t make him look like one of those dandies from Nandu. He’s going to accompany me to the battlefield in the future,” Duan Xu waved his hand, saying.
This remark earned him a roll of the eyes from Duan Jingyuan.
Perhaps it was his mention of “the battlefield” that caught his father’s attention, prompting his urgent conversation, urging him to abandon thoughts of going to war.
Chenying’s voice brought Duan Xu back to the present. He looked up, and Chenying hurriedly ran over to him, excitedly asking, “Third Brother, you called me.”
Nowadays, his use of “Third Brother” was becoming more and more proficient, just like when he used to call his sister “Little Miss.”
Duan Xu smiled faintly, patting Chenying’s head. “You’ll come with me to visit Mother later. She likes quiet, so just don’t talk too much.”
Chenying nodded vigorously.
So, leading Chenying through the courtyard corridors, Duan Xu arrived at a Buddhist hall with a tranquil lotus pond outside. Faint chanting could be heard from inside. Duan Xu took a deep breath, walked up to the hall, and pushed the door open. Inside, a woman turned around unhappily and asked, “Who…?”
Upon seeing him, she paused in surprise, then stood up from the cushion and said, “Xu’er.”
The woman, in her forties, had a touch of frost at her temples and eyes, even though she wore plain green clothes and a wooden hairpin. Even in such simple attire, she couldn’t conceal her beautiful appearance and inherent grace and nobility.
She was the daughter of the Grand Princess, the current emperor’s cousin, and the distinguished West River Princess. She was also his father’s wife, his mother.
Duan Xu smiled brightly, as if he were any child returning home from a long journey, affectionately calling out, “Mother, I’m back. I heard you wouldn’t come out until you finished reciting this scripture, and no one dared to disturb you, so I came to see you.”
The woman seemed a little uneasy, speaking softly, “I heard you were only arriving this afternoon, so I… You should sit down quickly.”
Duan Xu agreed and went to sit beside a nearby chair. His mother also left the incense burner and Buddha statue, sitting beside him across the table.
Her gaze fell on Chenying, prompting Duan Xu to say, “This is my adoptive brother, Xue Chenying, whom I took in from the battlefield. His parents died early, and his sister made significant contributions on the battlefield. I promised to take care of him on her behalf. Chenying, come and meet Mother.”
Chenying walked over obediently, kneeling down and bowing, “Greetings, Madam Duan.”
Madam Duan immediately reached out to help him up, saying kindly, “No need for such formality. Your arrival at the Duan household is also fate. The Buddha is merciful. From now on, this is your home too.”
Chenying’s eyes were a little moist. He answered dejectedly before standing up, feeling that Madam Duan was indeed gentle and kind, a rare good person. Madam Duan then took a handkerchief and wiped Chenying’s eyes. Turning her gaze to Duan Xu, she found that his eyes had returned from Chenying’s tear-wiping hand to her, and a smile appeared on his face again.
Madam Duan carefully scrutinized Duan Xu and asked, “Have you been injured during these days on the battlefield?”
“Some minor injuries, but thanks to Mother’s daily prayers, everything turned out to be fine in the end. It’s like turning bad luck into good fortune.”
Madam Duan nodded, still holding Chenying’s hand unconsciously, as if she needed this unfamiliar child to help alleviate her inner tension. Sunlight silently streamed through the windows, casting a peaceful atmosphere over the table, where the incense emitted wisps of white smoke.
After a moment of silence, Duan Xu burst into laughter, innocently saying, “Why does Mother always seem so formal whenever she sees me? Jingyuan might start suspecting there’s some resentment between us.”
Madam Duan was taken aback. She hesitated before saying, “I just feel that these years, I haven’t been able to do anything for you, and I feel guilty. After all… when you needed me the most, I wasn’t there by your side.”
She hinted at the disappeared seven years.
“Mother, you’re overthinking it. I’ve never harboured any resentment towards you regarding that matter.”
“It’s precisely because you don’t harbour any resentment towards me that I feel even more uncomfortable. I feel ashamed to face you.” Madam Duan sighed deeply. After a moment of contemplation, she said, “I’ll be going to the Jin’an Temple outside the city to pray in a few days. Would you like to come with me?”
Duan Xu casually declined, saying, “Mother knows I don’t like those places. It’s better not to step into the sacred grounds if the heart isn’t sincere. Just let Jingyuan accompany you as usual. You also enjoy her company, don’t you?”
Although his suggestion was rejected, Madam Duan seemed relieved. She searched for words and said, “For Jingyuan, with her lively personality, to be able to sit quietly and pray, she must indeed have a special affinity with the Buddha.”
Duan Xu couldn’t help but chuckle, leaving Madam Duan looking puzzled. He then explained, “It’s not that Jingyuan has a special affinity with the Buddha. It’s because she adores you so much and wants your attention and companionship. You’ve always been in the temple, so she runs there all the time just to be with you. It took her years to gradually become close to you.”
Madam Duan felt a bit embarrassed, and Duan Xu continued with a playful tone, “I was quite stubborn when I was young. I never went to the temple, always thinking that perhaps one day you would come out of the temple and be by my side. But before I could wait for you, I left first.”
“Xu’er… I… I just…”
“Mother prays for the well-being of the whole family. I was just ignorant when I was young, but now I understand.”
Duan Xu didn’t wait for Madam Duan to explain and already kindly offered her a pretext. Madam Duan was startled, clutching the prayer beads in her hand, looking even more desolate.
Duan Xu led Chenying out of the temple, and after turning a corner, he stopped. Chenying held his hand with some concern, looking at him. Duan Xu, still showing signs of recent illness on his face, appeared calm and inscrutable, dressed in dark blue attire, giving off an aura of tranquillity.
Suddenly, Duan Xu turned his head, pinched Chenying’s cheek, and smiled. “When I was young, I really wished she could wipe my tears away like she just did for you. But upon careful thought, I realized I never cried in front of her. Upon further reflection, searching through my memories, I couldn’t recall a time when I needed them the most.”
Chenying was somewhat confused. He shook Duan Xu’s hand and asked, “Did they treat you poorly? Do you hate them?”
Duan Xu shook his head. He looked down at Chenying and said, “I don’t resent them. In fact, I understand them very well, and perhaps I still love them.”
But as of today, he no longer needed nor expected anything from them.
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