CALID Chapter 81

Meditation

Shi Biao and Ding Jin took them by surprise and quickly cut off the communication between the rebel army and the Danzhi army according to Duan Xu’s arrangement. At the same time, with the help of Zi Wei, the news of Tang Dequan’s defection to Danzhi spread widely, and seven or eight out of ten of Tang Dequan’s subordinates defected to Duan Xu’s side. Before Tang Dequan could betray them, he had already become isolated and fled to seek refuge in the territory of Danzhi in a panic.

With this, two-thirds of the entire Jingzhou fell into Duan Xu’s hands. He used the Guihe Army and Meng Wan’s Su Ying Army as the vanguard to continue attacking the remaining cities in Jingzhou. Shi Biao had once been a mountain bandit and was extremely skilled in ambushes and attacks in mountainous terrain. His tactics were also very cunning, excelling in defeating superior forces by diverting attention and causing chaos on the battlefield. The pride of Danzhi, their heavy cavalry, found it difficult to operate in mountainous areas, and thus were worn out by Shi Biao’s tactics.

The Su Ying Army led by Meng Wan was much more steady. While Shi Biao was adept at siege warfare, he was not good at defence, allowing cities to change hands frequently under his command. So they cooperated: Shi Biao would break through, and Su Ying Army would stabilize and occupy. In half a month, they gradually took control of Jingzhou.

At this time, Duan Xu timely wrote a letter to Zhao Xing, the leader of the uprising in Qizhou. Zhao Xing had been in control of Qizhou for some time, and envoys from Daliang had negotiated with him repeatedly. Seeing General Qian of Yuezhou had surrendered to Daliang, Zhao Xing remained ambiguous.

To be honest, Daliang’s rewards to General Qian were very generous, and Zhao Xing would certainly not receive less. Despite knowing this, he remained ambiguous, observing the uprising in Jingzhou from the side-lines, perhaps intending to take advantage of the situation and establish himself as a local hegemon.

Duan Xu’s letter was polite in tone, but the content was straightforward. Tang Dequan, who had defected to Danzhi, was beheaded by righteous Han warriors and his body abandoned in the streets. If Zhao Xing were to defect to Danzhi, he would likely meet the same fate. Duan Xu planned to attack Youzhou next, and he needed Qizhou to cooperate with Jingzhou for a joint siege. If Zhao Xing refused to submit, then he would treat him not as a hero but as a rebel.

Not long after this letter arrived, Zhao Xing sent an envoy expressing willingness to accept Daliang’s rewards and surrender Qizhou.

“Zhao Xing is cunning. Although he promises to submit, there may still be some twists and turns. We need to keep an eye on him. Afterward, when we attack Youzhou, Qizhou will be crucial for securing our rear. Xia Qingsheng is cautious and serious. Let him go to Qizhou to meet Zhao Xing and organize his troops. I’ll follow later,” Duan Xu said, putting down Zhao Xing’s letter and instructing Chenying.

Chenying nodded.

“Does Zi Wei have anyone useful in Qizhou?”

“Sister Luo said that Zhang Qian, an aide to Zhao Xing, is Zi Wei’s person. She has observed him before and finds him trustworthy.”

“Good. Let Xia Qingsheng contact Zhang Qian when he arrives in Qizhou. If Qingsheng also finds Zhang Qian reliable, then hand over Zhao Xing’s elite troops to him. Zi Wei will keep a close eye on Zhao Xing before he leaves for the Southern Capital.”

“Yes,” Chenying replied.

Duan Xu breathed a sigh of relief, then suddenly changed the subject, saying, “How is your brother Han now?”

This was the first time in over a month that Duan Xu had mentioned Han Lingqiu. He had thrown Han Lingqiu into prison as soon as he returned, and during this time, he hadn’t inquired much about him, publicly attributing Han Lingqiu’s punishment to a clash with the commanding officer.

Chenying had received a lot of care from Han Lingqiu in the previous four months. Seeing Han Lingqiu return in such a changed manner, silent and brooding, and the strange atmosphere between Han Lingqiu and Duan Xu, Chenying had long been suspicious. Now, hearing Duan Xu mention Han Lingqiu, Chenying couldn’t help but shudder, eagerly asking, “He’s still the same… never speaks, and he doesn’t respond when I talk to him. Third Brother, what’s wrong with Big Brother Han?”

Duan Xu sighed deeply and chuckled, “You call him Big Brother and call me Third Brother, yet you make me seem younger than you.”

Standing up from his chair and stretching lazily, he said, “Come, let’s go see him. If he can’t figure things out on his own, I’ll help him.”

Curiously, Chenying followed Duan Xu to the prison. Duan Xu walked leisurely to the railing with his hands behind his back, turned to look at the person in the corner with dishevelled hair and a gloomy expression. Half a month had passed, and while Han Lingqiu’s physical wounds had healed, the wounds in his heart clearly had not. He was now completely different from the earnest, sincere, and simple Han Lingqiu of before, as if someone else’s soul had been stuffed into his body.

But his experiences were almost exactly like this.

The youth who once fought for the Azure God could not accept General Han Lingqiu of Daliang.

Nor could the Han Lingqiu who defended his home and country accept the youth who had shed innocent blood for the Azure God.

He had two completely opposite and mutually antagonistic pasts. Now, the education he had received from the Azure God and the beliefs he had once staunchly held had returned to his mind. He had once solemnly declared that no matter what happened in the past, he was still Han Lingqiu of Daliang. Now it seemed like nothing more than a beautiful and wishful fantasy.

Duan Xu unlocked the door, the sound echoing in the spacious cell. As he unlocked it, he called out, “Han Lingqiu.”

Han Lingqiu’s gaze suddenly turned towards him, containing caution and resentment. He coldly said, “Don’t call me by that name.”

Duan Xu approached Han Lingqiu, looking down at him, and smiled, “What’s wrong? I didn’t give you that name, so now you’re blaming me for it?” He then continued, “You should remember, you once grabbed my neck. In that situation, your action against me could be considered betrayal.”

Han Lingqiu’s eyes flickered, then he sneered, “Betrayal? That’s your specialty.”

Duan Xu straightened up, rubbing the keys in his hand and looking down at Han Lingqiu for a moment before saying, “Speaking to your commanding officer in such a tone, it seems you no longer want to be Han Lingqiu. Have you decided to return to Danzhi?”

But Han Lingqiu clenched his teeth and remained silent.

“Lingqiu, do you want to have another twilight trial with me?” Duan Xu said like this, not surprisingly seeing the surprised look in Han Lingqiu’s eyes. He added, “In a twilight trial, it’s a fight to the death. If you win, you can kill me.”

In the afternoon on the grassland of Yuzhou, the shallow lake shimmered under the bright and warm sunlight. The grass was tall enough to submerge ankles, and there was no wind, everything was peaceful.

Duan Xu and Han Lingqiu stood facing each other by the lakeside in the sunlight, both dressed in black. Duan Xu wore a black-silver interlaced forehead band, making him look less like a military commander and more like a carefree youth, as he did when he wandered in the realm of ghosts.

Han Lingqiu looked at Duan Xu from afar, as if seeing the outstanding opponent from Tianzhixiao through nine years of time. Duan Xu was taller and more angularly built than before, but otherwise, he was not much different from the Duan Xu in Tianzhixiao. At that time, Duan Xu always smiled, seeming to have no worries.

Did Han Lingqiu envy Duan Xu back then? Perhaps he did, for Duan Xu’s talent, the favouritism of their master, or simply for Duan Xu’s happiness. He couldn’t quite remember now. Back then, they had no names, no friends, and Duan Xu was just a symbol to him.

In those long years, everything seemed like symbols, neatly marked as right or wrong, valuable or worthless. Simple, precise, uniform, deeply ingrained.

He was very confused now. In the past half month, he often felt like he was going crazy. Being Han Lingqiu or being a disciple of Tianzhixiao felt like betrayal to him. He couldn’t find himself, he didn’t know where he belonged.

And the instigator of all this—Duan Xu, stood calmly before him. He couldn’t understand this person, not then, not now.

Duan Xu smiled faintly in the sunlight from afar, covering his eyes with black cloth and saying to him, “General Han, focus.”

As Han Lingqiu covered his eyes with the cloth, he realized the contradiction in Duan Xu’s proposal to use the twilight trial of Tianzhixiao to compete with him, while constantly addressing him as General Han. Perhaps losing to Duan Xu again here, being killed by Duan Xu, would be his best outcome.

In the darkness after covering his eyes, all his other senses sharpened. Han Lingqiu heard Chenying shout “start,” and immediately heard the slight and rapid footsteps ahead. In his moment of hesitation, the sword wind arrived, and he immediately dodged, realizing in that moment that Duan Xu was serious.

He was drawn into Duan Xu’s rhythm. Duan Xu’s speed was so fast that he could only retreat step by step in defence. There had been few people over the years who could push him to this extent. Amidst the clash of swords, memories deeply buried in his marrow gradually resurfaced. It was as if he had returned to those days of struggling with Duan Xu, constantly pushing himself to the limit, immersed in the memories of constant fighting in the dark world.

In those seven years, it seemed like every day he was killing someone.

He felt exhilarated; in his eyes, people were not people but rather some kind of livestock. He enjoyed the sound of blades piercing flesh, he enjoyed the pleas and cries, he enjoyed the splattering of blood, the dismemberment. He took pride in this, found joy in it.

His existence in this world was defined by this.

For the young him, slaughter was the most beautiful thing in this world.

But these vivid memories filled Han Lingqiu with terror.

Not only terror, but also disgust. He wished he could chop off his own limbs, those dirty limbs stained with blood. He wanted to go back and press down that person who found joy in slaughter, to seal his mouth shut, to crush his head.

He wanted to beg for salvation.

Who would save this person, who would save him?

Before he killed the first person, if someone could have stopped him, even if it meant chopping off his hand, he would have been grateful.

He desperately wanted to grab someone to save that demon-like self, but it was too late.

Moreover, there were voices in his mind mocking him, telling him that the world was just like this, weren’t you happy back then? What are you despairing about now? Just choose to return to that path, and you can continue smoothly.

You are a glorious warrior of the Azure God; those you killed were only necessary sacrifices. Let go of the hands choking your throat, stop struggling, return to the past.

“Why don’t you kill me?”

The sudden voice pierced into Han Lingqiu’s dark world. He blinked, realizing that just now, in his extreme despair and madness, he had almost instinctively attacked Duan Xu, without regard for his own life.

And then he seemed to have won. How did he win?

Han Lingqiu tore off the black cloth covering his eyes. Duan Xu sat on the ground, clutching his abdomen, blood flowing from his fingers, while Han Lingqiu’s sword was pointed at Duan Xu’s throat. Duan Xu spat out blood, wiped his mouth, and calmly said, “Not only did you not regress, you’ve improved quite a bit. Lingqiu, why don’t you kill me?”

In the darkness, Han Lingqiu lost his sense of time. Although it felt like only a moment had passed, the sun had already set, casting a dazzling red glow over the land. The lake beside them reflected the crimson evening sky and the setting sun, like a seething pool of magma.

Duan Xu looked up calmly at Han Lingqiu, and in that gaze, Han Lingqiu saw a hint of pity.

Suddenly, he remembered the scene nine years ago, as the sun set, on the arena, just before their twilight trial began, Duan Xu looked at him with the same gaze.

He vaguely recalled that afterward, in the blurred chaos, someone had carried him on their back, staggering along a long road. That person had told him—Go south, go to Daliang, don’t come back.

Han Lingqiu seemed unable to bear it any longer. He growled lowly, throwing away his sword and grabbing Duan Xu’s collar. His eyes were bloodshot as he gritted his teeth and demanded, “Why… Why did you save me? Don’t tell me it’s some kind of pity for the weak. We’ve killed even three-year-old children! We have no bond between us, why didn’t you kill me?”

Duan Xu stared back at him unflinchingly, then smiled. Blood trickled from his lips as he spoke, dripping onto Han Lingqiu’s hand clutching his collar.

“The only survivor will become Seventeen. I don’t want to be Seventeen, so I can’t let you die. I didn’t save you for your sake; I saved myself.”

Han Lingqiu was stunned.

“Of course, as you said, we’ve killed even three-year-old children. What difference does it make if I saved you in the end? Nothing changes. It’s just a childish notion, a reason to console oneself. But Lingqiu, I’ve survived relying on these childish notions.”

“You say I’m good at betrayal, but in my eyes, I’ve never betrayed anyone. What you’re struggling with now, I’ve already struggled with long ago. Since then, I’ve been loyal only to myself. But you’re different from me. For my own selfish reasons, I made this choice for you without considering your wishes.”

Duan Xu held the hand that was clutching his collar, calmly smiling. “Lingqiu, I apologize for my arrogance and for the scar on your face. I’m sorry.”

Han Lingqiu gradually relaxed his grip, lowering his gaze in silence for a moment. Then, as if finding the situation absurd, he tugged at the corner of his mouth and said, “You saved me, and now you’re apologizing to me. I’m not that ungrateful.”

He lifted his eyes to look at Duan Xu, the crimson evening sky reflected in them. Amidst the settling dust of madness, scars turned into heavier wounds, he said, “General Duan.”