CALID Chapter 55

Shelter from the Rain

Since Duan Xu’s memory began, his mother had been the slender figure in the Buddhist hall, spending her days accompanied by sutras, wooden fish, and incense ash. He heard that before, his mother believed in Buddhism, but not with such obsession and devotion. He didn’t know how she became so deeply immersed in Buddhist teachings almost entirely since he was three years old. Later, he learned about his mother’s former fiancé and realized that those years coincided with his father’s re-investigation of old cases, seeking justice for his mother’s former fiancé.

Living in this world, she had a husband and children, yet she was someone else’s widow. Was her devotion truly for the well-being of the whole family, or was it for her unjustly deceased lover?

When he learned about this, he suddenly understood. He used to think his mother was cold-hearted, perhaps incapable of loving someone. But now he realized she was capable; she had a fervent and deep love, only she didn’t give it to him. That youthful love seemed to have exhausted all her strength. She couldn’t muster any energy to give to others. Everything she did in this world followed social norms, just to prevent others from disturbing her while she continued to reminisce about that person.

She said she felt guilty towards him, and he believed she was, but he also didn’t believe she was truly remorseful. Her guilt was probably about avoiding him, distancing herself from him, facing Buddha to pray for him, leaving him behind.

This guilt was something she didn’t intend to change, something she would continue to disappoint.

His father and mother, one too harsh on him, the other too lenient; one indifferent to love, the other considering love the essence of life. He felt it wasn’t normal, but he didn’t know what normal love should be like. So now, when he fell in love with someone, he couldn’t find any solace or help from them.

Chenying contemplated by his side with a troubled expression for a long time before murmuring softly, “If Miss Xiaoxiao were here, it would be better.”

“Why?” Duan Xu smiled.

Chenying said earnestly, “She would definitely comfort you well, and you wouldn’t be so sad.”

Duan Xu lowered his eyes but continued to smile gently, saying softly, “It’s okay, I’m not that sad.”

Yet, he also wished she could be here, just as stubbornly as he had hoped in his childhood that his mother would walk out of the Buddhist hall on her own.

In a couple of days, Duan Xu escorted his mother and Duan Jingyuan out of the city to Jin’an Temple. Duan Jingyuan was very good at acting cute and managed to squeeze into the sedan chair with his mother. Duan Xu rode his horse beside the sedan chair and saw the curtain of the sedan chair being lifted. Duan Jingyuan, with a charming smile on his face, leaned against the window and said, “Brother, I don’t think the girls father chose for you are very pretty. They don’t match up to my brilliant and talented brother. Today, when we go to the temple, I’ll pray for you to find a good match. What kind of girl do you like?”

Duan Jingyuan teased her brother, saying he was exaggerating, but deep down, she thought of her brother as the finest man in the entire southern region, perhaps even the most handsome in the whole world, skilled in both literature and martial arts. As he walked through the streets, countless girls couldn’t help but steal glances at him.

This time, upon his return from the border, her brother seemed even more composed. His reputation had surpassed the previously acclaimed Fang Xianye, becoming the prime candidate for future husbands among her circle of friends.

Looking at her brother, his azure-coloured swallow-tailed hairband fluttered in the wind, and she inexplicably felt a hint of melancholy in his expression. But soon, Duan Xu resumed his usual smile, bending down to wave at her. Duan Jingyuan leaned closer to listen, hearing her brother say, “I like a girl who doesn’t exist in this world.”

“…”

Duan Jingyuan said, “I understand. I’ll pray to the Buddha later and ask the Moon Goddess to descend to find you.”

Duan Xu burst into laughter, saying, “Sure, sure, with the mercy of Buddha, who knows, maybe he’ll really hear it?”

He escorted his mother and Duan Jingyuan to the front of Jin’an Temple and helped his mother out of the sedan chair. When Jingyuan jumped out of the chair and repeatedly asked if he really wouldn’t go in, he confirmed as he had done every time before, watching as the servants and Duan Jingyuan helped his mother up the steps towards the brightly coloured main hall.

Good men and women passed by him, and Duan Xu stood with his hands behind his back, gazing at the magnificent Buddhist temple bathed in the morning sunlight. The sound of the bell echoed from afar, and the sunlight refracted dazzlingly on the censer, with wisps of incense rising.

It seemed that the wishes of everyone who came here would turn into wisps of smoke in this censer, rising continuously to the distant sky, reaching the compassionate gods, who would listen and show mercy.

He never liked these temples when he was young, perhaps because he thought if the Buddha showed mercy, he should return his mother to him. But the desires of people in this world inherently conflicted with each other. Fulfilling one would detract from another. The gods were probably in a dilemma too, so they simply fulfilled his mother’s wish and incidentally gave him a heart that didn’t believe in gods or Buddhas.

The mercy of Buddha.

When Duan Jingyuan said these words to him, he had a momentary thought—would Buddha really enlighten him?

Then he realized that he had actually entertained the idea of surrendering in this long struggle, almost kneeling before the gods he had once rejected. Just because his admiration, without knowing what came before or after, had lingered for too long, unwilling to write the end of this story, nor able to craft sentences or finish the chapter.

He didn’t know if anyone understood, perhaps only the divine beings would.

Standing still for a while, Duan Xu murmured with his limited understanding of Buddha, “I haven’t heard that Buddha or monks have wives. I suppose they wouldn’t understand.”

With that, he smiled, turned around, mounted his horse, and rode away.

Today, the sky was originally overcast, as if it was about to rain. After brewing for a long time, it finally poured down at noon. The fine rain seemed to connect heaven and earth. With such heavy rain, even if you had an umbrella, you would still get wet. Duan Jingyuan clutched a bunch of gardenias and hurriedly took shelter under the eaves of a side hall in the temple.

As her maid helped her shake off the water droplets from her body, she remarked, “It’s really summer now. It’s been raining frequently these days. If you catch a cold from getting wet while picking flowers, it wouldn’t be worth it, Miss.”

Duan Jingyuan rolled her eyes and retorted, “Bah, can’t you say something nicer?”

As soon as she said that, a figure in blue entered her sight. It was a slender and polite young man with servants, seeking shelter from the rain under the same eaves.

Duan Jingyuan sized up the man. He was dressed lavishly, with a white jade hairpin and a gold-edged headband. His dark blue clothes were embroidered with deer patterns, clearly indicating his noble status. His features were deep and delicate, bearing some resemblance to her brother. However, they gave off entirely different vibes; one dynamic, the other tranquil. This man exuded a quiet and steady demeanour, like the mist in the distant mountains.

She felt a hint of goodwill towards him and boldly asked, “May I ask, sir, which family’s young master are you?”

The man turned to look at her. He seemed to recognize her and greeted her, “Miss Duan, I come from a humble background, not belonging to any particular family. My surname is Fang, and my name is Ji. My courtesy name is Xianye.”

Duan Jingyuan’s eyelid twitched. “Fang Xianye?”

Was this the Fang Xianye who always opposed her father and brother?

In the past, female relatives would often mention him to her, sometimes sneakily pointing him out for her to see. Because of this person, her brother suffered so much. She felt disgusted and didn’t even want to give him a glance. That’s why she didn’t recognize him immediately today.

The tiny bit of goodwill she felt for him instantly vanished.

As if sensing Duan Jingyuan’s change in mood, Fang Xianye straightened up and looked at her curiously. Duan Jingyuan casually remarked, “So it’s Mr. Fang. I’ve heard that you are the number one talent in the southern capital, with half of the brilliant literary works in the world coming from your hand. I’ve long admired your name.”

Fang Xianye smiled modestly and shook his head, “Miss Duan overpraises me. Even if my writings astonish the realm, they are merely ink on paper.”

Duan Jingyuan was taken aback.

In the distant memory, during a summer visit to her hometown in Daizhou many years ago, her grandmother said that her brother’s writings were the best in the world. At that time, her brother was draped in sunlight, and his appearance was no longer clear, but he took back the writings from her hands. There was a scent of orchids on him, and he smiled faintly, saying, “Even if my writings astonish the realm, they are merely ink on paper.”

She suddenly felt a little angry and blurted out, “Why are you talking like my brother?”

The handsome and steady man was momentarily stunned by her baseless accusation. After a moment, he understood her meaning and chuckled softly, “You have a good memory.”

“What did you say?” Duan Jingyuan didn’t catch it clearly.

“It’s nothing. General Duan comes from a prestigious background. Naturally, I can’t compare,” Fang Xianye replied modestly, which made Duan Jingyuan feel that she had been a bit too much earlier. She silently criticized Fang Xianye for being hypocritical and turned her head away, refusing to look at him. She watched the heavy rain outside the eaves, feeling somewhat irritated that the rain didn’t seem to be letting up, forcing her to stay with this guy.

The man beside her seemed to chuckle lightly, then she heard him call his servant, “Hezhi, let’s go.”

The servant, a boy of about fourteen or fifteen, was surprised. “Sir, it’s pouring rain outside. Even if we have an umbrella, we’ll get soaked. Besides, we didn’t bring one.”

“You know it too. How could you forget to bring an umbrella on such a gloomy day?” Fang Xianye scolded lightly and began to walk out into the rain.

Duan Jingyuan thought he might have sensed her disdain and decided to leave voluntarily. Although she felt uncomfortable being under the same eaves with him, it was unreasonable to let him walk in such heavy rain.

She immediately grabbed him and said, “Mr. Fang, you don’t have to…”

Fang Xianye’s steps paused, and he looked at the hand grabbing his sleeve. Duan Jingyuan’s gaze followed his. She thought it was a bit abrupt, and just as she was about to retract her hand, she noticed a long, slender scar on the back of his hand, extending into his sleeve where it couldn’t be seen.

For a moment, she forgot about her abruptness and exclaimed, “How did you get such a deep scar on your hand?”

Fang Xianye remained silent for a moment before casually replying, “I encountered bandits on the way to the capital for the imperial examination and nearly lost my life. Fortunately, Duke Pei rescued and sheltered me. This scar was left from that incident, and it damaged the meridians, rendering this hand powerless. Luckily, it’s my left hand, which I don’t use for writing.”

“I see… In recent years, there have been banditry issues around the southern capital. My brother also encountered bandits…” Duan Jingyuan said, thinking that him helping Duke Pei might have been a way of repaying a debt. However, Duke Pei was still despicable.

Fang Xianye pointed to his sleeve. “Miss Duan, are you going to keep holding onto me like this?”

Duan Jingyuan snapped out of her thoughts and quickly let go of his sleeve. She cleared her throat and looked Fang Xianye up and down hesitantly before asking, “I heard that you have a grudge against my family… Is that true?”

Could there be some misunderstanding?

Fang Xianye seemed very surprised. His eyes widened, but quickly returned to normal. He smiled lightly and said, “I’m just a commoner. I’ve never met General Duan before I passed the imperial examination. Where would any grudge come from?”

Duan Jingyuan pondered for a moment and realized that it was indeed the case. It would be difficult for this person to have any interaction with their family. Otherwise, in the rapidly circulating news of the southern capital, she would have heard something by now.

So she said, “Do you have urgent business to attend to?”

“No,” he replied.

“Then let’s continue to take shelter from the rain under this eaves.”

“I…”

“If you leave, it would mean that you dislike me and don’t want to stay with me.”

Fang Xianye remained silent for a while, receiving an encouraging glance from his servant Hezhi, so he didn’t venture into the rain. As the rain intensified, Duan Jingyuan looked up at the droplets falling from the eaves and thought that Fang Xianye didn’t seem as unpleasant as she had imagined.

**Nomad: I have a sneaking suspicion that he might have been the replacement Duan Xu while the real Duan Xu was lost. It would explain the similar words.