The Journey
Ji Yu had a total of eight music-maids by his side. From oldest to youngest, they were Xia Wan, Chang Le, Nan Su, Mo Xiao, Lai Ying, Ling Shang, Zikou, and Bi—.
Though these eight music-maids could not compare to Qiqi’s peerless beauty, they were all first-class beauties in their own right. Their food, clothing, and daily necessities were also of excellent quality, making them far more noble than ordinary maidservants.
Each of them had a set of belongings that belonged exclusively to her, from clothing to jewellery. So the first thing that happened after I became Ah Zhi was that I was dragged to Jinxiu Pavilion, the finest silk shop in Song, to choose fabrics.
When I pointed out those bolts of silk, Ji Yu seemed a little surprised. He said, “I didn’t expect you to like sky-blue so much.”
After saying that, he examined me carefully, then smiled. “It does suit you quite well, but all sky-blue would be rather monotonous. Lai Ying, Chang Le, go choose a few more bolts that will complement her.”
The two women agreed, and in just a short while, they had selected several bolts. They were indeed very beautiful fabrics, and they suited me well. After that, we went to a rouge shop and a jewellery shop. Everything was custom-made. Though I did not understand market prices very well, I knew it must have cost a great deal. But Ji Yu did not care at all. Rumour had it that Young Master Ji was skilled in business, and that during his travels among the states, he had already become wealthy enough to rival a nation. It seemed that rumour was true.
As soon as the clothes were delivered, I was ordered to change and sit before the mirror, allowing four women to dress me up: arranging my hair into a coiffure, applying rouge and powder. Once everything was done, I looked at myself in the mirror and almost did not recognise myself.
Above my reflection, another beautiful face appeared. A girl of about sixteen or seventeen smiled with innocent brightness. “Sister Ah Zhi isn’t plain at all. You must have spent too long beside a great beauty and lost all confidence in dressing yourself. Now that you’ve been properly made up, you look truly lovely.”
I turned around. The girl in the pinkish-purple gauze skirt was standing behind me. She only took me for Qiqi’s maidservant, and her eyes held undisguised surprise and praise, clear and clean at a glance.
I smiled and took her hand. “How could I be as pretty as you, Zikou?”
Zikou was the first girl to joke and chat with me. It was not that the other girls were hostile towards me; they simply disliked becoming too close to strangers.
Ji Yu had a great many rules. Xia Wan and Nan Su told me, one by one, about his taboos and temperament. The days passed quickly. In the blink of an eye, the state funeral was completed, and then the enthronement ceremony was over as well. Li Yan became the new King of Song. I heard that he had newly conferred the title of Madam Zhen upon someone. Although he cherished her greatly, Madam Zhen’s health was said to be poor, and she was kept within the palace, rarely seeing anyone.
As the sun set in the west, the magnificent palace was dyed gold and red, as enticing as an immortal palace. It was a place all people yearned for. I took one final look at that palace, then turned and followed Ji Yu onto the great ship.
Madam Zhen, Madam Zhen.
He regards you as a treasure, yet he can never let you live beneath the sunlight.
Qiqi, goodbye.
Ji Yu was leaving Song by boat for the state of Fan. I did not know what he intended to do, but I did not ask too much. When he needed me, he would naturally tell me.
I had never known that a ship could be such a terrifying thing.
By the time I leaned over the railing for the fifth time, I could no longer vomit anything out. My stomach churned and twisted, my head heavy and muddled. No matter what I looked at, everything made me dizzy. Clutching the railing, I slowly slid down to the floor, freeing one hand to rub my forehead as I tried to stop the clamour in my mind.
Zikou said I would be fine once I got used to it. Since Young Master travelled among the states, they often had to take boats.
While I was still dizzy, a pair of satin shoes appeared in my field of vision. I looked up and saw Ji Yu’s furrowed brows. Today he wore robes made from Song’s silver ice satin, the very picture of a graceful gentleman. Only there was a trace of irritation in his eyes. Those who could board this ship were either rich or noble; he probably thought I was embarrassing him by acting like this.
I did not want to be like this either.
He merely paused in front of me for a moment, then turned and left, tossing down one sentence: “Clean yourself up. There is sour plum soup in the kitchen.”
After drinking sour plum soup for several days — or perhaps because I gradually grew used to the ship — I basically stopped vomiting, though I still felt dizzy from time to time. And so I developed the habit of standing on the deck to enjoy the breeze. From Song to Fan, most of the route was mountainous. I often gazed at the lush green forests along the banks, at the mist curling around the mountains, full of vitality, and that dizzy feeling would ease considerably.
Sometimes, I would encounter a young married woman. This lady wore luxurious clothes in the style of Zhao, and the gold-inlaid white jade at her waist was something only members of Zhao’s royal clan could wear.
She seemed to be the family member of some Zhao royal.
Logically speaking, nobles usually viewed the scenery from within their rooms or pavilions. It was not common for them to walk out onto the deck like this, so I could not help looking at her a few more times from afar. She was always leaning against the railing at the side of the deck, looking at the scenery, followed by a group of maidservants. Her gaze was desolate.
When I saw her again today, there was not a single maidservant by her side, and her face was covered in tear tracks. She did not cry aloud. Rather, she looked as if she were sleepwalking, her eyes empty, only tears constantly falling.
At a time like this, it seemed one should not disturb her.
I was just about to return to my room when I suddenly saw her climb over the railing and leap down.
By the time I reacted, I had already rushed forward and grabbed her hand. She hung against the side of the ship, the surging river beneath her feet. As long as I let go, she would fall into the water.
I shouted, “Someone, come quickly! Someone is about to fall into the water!”
As if suddenly waking from a dream, she began struggling violently, trying to break free from my hand. Her fingers scratched bloody marks across my arm. I gripped her tightly, almost using all my strength.
She cried out, “Let me go! Let me die! My child is gone, my home is gone, everything is gone…”
I froze for a moment, then could not help letting out a soft laugh.
“So what?”
Perhaps it was my expression, or perhaps my tone was too matter-of-fact, but she seemed shocked. She stared at me blankly and said nothing.
As we spoke, many people had already rushed over. Several of them helped me pull the young woman back up. At some point, she had stopped struggling. Like someone who had lost her soul, she allowed us to pull her up, then collapsed to the floor. Her blue, luxurious robes made her face look unbearably pale. Three or four maidservants came running over, lifting their skirts. They had no time to care for etiquette as they hurriedly helped the young woman up.
A man in black robes, with clear and open features, pushed through the crowd and ran to the young woman. He raised his hand high and struck her across the face. Then, while the young woman was still dazed, he pulled her fiercely into his arms.
He held her with great force, as if he wanted to merge her into his own body. He leaned close to her ear and said something. The young woman trembled twice, and finally hugged him tightly in return, beginning to cry loudly.
He said, “How could you bear to leave me behind?”
Many richly dressed nobles who had rushed over after hearing the commotion also began speaking words of comfort. Ji Yu stood among them too, looking down at me from afar with an amused smile, as if he had discovered something novel.
I ignored his gaze and merely stood to one side, watching that husband and wife hold each other and weep.
I felt calm, yet also dazed.
After everyone dispersed, Ji Yu walked to my side. He took my arm and looked at the bloody scratches on it. His smile held three parts curiosity and seven parts probing.
“I didn’t expect you to have such emotional moments too.”
I let him hold my arm and quietly gazed at the river’s surface.
“To give up one’s life… how easy that sounds.”
“Oh?”
I turned my head and saw Ji Yu’s slightly surprised expression. He looked at me with a searching gaze. During this time, he had often looked at me this way, as if he could find some answer on my face. It seemed that although he had recruited me as his helper, he was still wary of me in his heart.
In truth, it did not really matter. If he wanted an answer, then I would simply tell him.
“My birth mother was not the Queen of Qi. I can no longer clearly remember what she looked like. I only vaguely recall that she had shallow dimples, and that she was very beautiful when she smiled. When she died, she had no other wish for me. She only hoped that I would live. I was still very young then, and was sent to the queen to be raised. The queen did not treat me badly. She never shorted me in food, clothing, or daily necessities. It was only that she loved Qiqi, while I was merely her responsibility.”
“I still remember the day Qi fell. My royal father killed my mother, then hanged himself in the palace with a length of white silk. Before the enemy army broke in, the palace was full of noise and chaos. Palace maids ran around helplessly, weeping. Someone once accused me of being heartless. My country had fallen, my parents had hanged themselves, and yet from beginning to end, I never shed a single tear. Perhaps they were right. I had no time to grieve. I had to think of a way for Qiqi and me to survive. Qi was destroyed when I was sixteen. Today, I am twenty-one. In these full five years, I have still managed to live.”
Ji Yu’s gaze flickered. He was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. “Why are you telling me all this?”
I merely shook my head and turned back towards my room. “Yes, why tell you? Just listen to it as a joke.”
Behind me, he said, “The woman you saved today is Lord Nanhuai’s wife. She was originally Princess Changni of Han.”
Hearing this, I turned back to look at him. He was gazing into my eyes, as if he wanted to see through my thoughts. I could not help smiling, and said without much emotion, “Is that so? Then Lord Nanhuai owes me a favour.”
The instant I closed the door, I saw his brows draw together.
As everyone knew, the Ninth Princess of Qi and Lord Nanhuai of Zhao had been betrothed since childhood. After Qi fell, Lord Nanhuai broke the engagement and married Princess Changni of Han instead. Han was one of the four states that had conquered Qi back then; of course, it had already been destroyed by Song.
What a joke.
What did Ji Yu hope to see on my face? Anger? Resentment? Hatred?
Then he would likely be disappointed.
To me, Lord Nanhuai was merely a man I had only seen once from afar, whose appearance I had already forgotten. I did not hate him for abandoning our agreement at my most desperate moment and marrying the princess of an enemy state, because to him, I was also nothing more than someone with whom he shared no real affection.
Whether he was happy or unhappy was not something I cared about.
Ji Yu’s rule was that, during travel, two maidservants would serve him personally each day, while the rest handled their own affairs. Yesterday, the ones serving him were Chang Le and Lai Ying, so when Chang Le knocked on my door this morning, I guessed that something must have happened on Lord Nanhuai’s side.
Chang Le wore a rose-red quju robe, and her agate-red earrings swayed gently with her steps. Among the eight beauties, her appearance was outstanding too. It was only that she was an ice beauty: proud, cold, aloof, and unwilling to pay attention to others.
She led me to Ji Yu’s room, her face cold the entire way, without saying a word. When we were almost there, she suddenly spoke.
“Ah Zhi, I don’t care what status you had before. You are now Young Master’s maidservant. A maidservant should act like a maidservant.”
I looked at her. Her beautiful eyes gazed coldly at me, and she curved her lips without emotion. “Do not expect me to be as naive as that girl Zikou and think you are merely Jiang Qiqi’s maidservant.”
“Jiang Qiqi?” I said indifferently. “Should you not at least call her ‘Your Highness, the Seventh Princess’?”
She laughed, very disdainfully. “A princess of a fallen state — what kind of Highness is that? Taking ten thousand steps back, even if she were the daughter of the Son of Heaven of Zhou, so what? Chang Le is Young Master’s maidservant. In this world, Chang Le respects only Young Master.”
Before long, we arrived. She lifted the beaded curtain, lowered her head slightly, and said gently to the person inside, “Young Master, she is here.”
“All right. You may go and rest.”
The voice from inside was very mild and low. For a moment, it gave the illusion of utmost tenderness.
Only then did I realise that this was the first time I had properly listened to him speak — without schemes or defensiveness, simply listening to the voice of the person called Ji Yu. It had to be admitted: his voice was very pleasant, gentle and steady, able to make people feel trust in him.
I watched that rose-red figure walk away, then turned and entered the room.
So even a proud girl like that was willing to lower her head for you?
The room was arranged with great elegance. Wisps of smoke curled from the incense burner; it was Yuexuan incense, unique to Zhao.
As expected, Lord Nanhuai was also in the room. Ji Yu stood beside him, smiling at Lord Nanhuai as if entertaining an old friend. “The person has been brought. I shall not disturb you further.”
After saying that, he made a bow and withdrew from the room.
Lord Nanhuai nodded to me and said, “Miss, please sit.”
I lowered my head and bowed. “This servant would not dare.”
He laughed, his laughter bright and hearty. “You speak too seriously, miss. You saved my wife’s life. You are my benefactor. Why would you not dare? Please sit.”
So I did not refuse further and sat down before Lord Nanhuai.
I asked, “May I ask whether Madam is feeling better?”
He gave a bitter smile and said softly, “She is somewhat better. It is only that her mood remains poor.”
I lowered my eyes and said nothing. The fall of Han had not been much better than the fall of Qi. Almost all the nobles had been slaughtered. Princess Changni’s family must not have been spared either. Recently, I had also heard that her first child had died young.
With blow after blow, Princess Changni must have been suffering terribly.
I said lightly, “Once Madam has seen enough of the rise and fall of this world, she will naturally let it go.”
He froze for a moment, then laughed. “It seems the Seventh Princess’s maidservant is indeed extraordinary.”
“…Which Seventh Princess?”
“When people speak of the Seventh Princess now, who else could they mean but that Seventh Princess of Qi?”
I fell silent.
If he merely wanted to thank me, then with my current status as a maidservant, he could easily have sent me away with some silver. Yet he had gone through Ji Yu to arrange a meeting with me. Clearly, there was something else.
Next, he was probably going to get to the main point.
“Have you… ever met the Ninth Princess?” he asked softly after a moment of silence.
I was stunned. I had not expected that he wanted to ask about me. His face was full of guilt. It seemed that he did not take the events of five years ago as lightly as I did.
“Naturally, I have met her. The Seventh Princess and the Ninth Princess were inseparable since childhood. This servant was the Seventh Princess’s maidservant, and therefore also the Ninth Princess’s maidservant.”
He hesitated for a while before asking, “She… how is she now?”
“She is dead,” I said lightly. “She died at the wedding banquet in Song, together with the Seventh Princess.”
He was visibly stunned. Sorrow appeared between his brows. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but in the end, he could only sigh. “In the end, I still wronged her.”
“This servant does not know in what way you wronged the Ninth Princess.”
He froze again. He probably thought that, as someone from Qi who had even known the Ninth Princess, I should hate him and accuse him.
“I broke my engagement with her.”
I looked at the self-reproachful man before me and could not help wanting to laugh. “You are mistaken. What you broke was your agreement with Qi, and your agreement with the King of Qi. Between you and the Ninth Princess, there was no agreement at all. So the ones you wronged were Qi and the King of Qi, not the Ninth Princess.”
He seemed a little lost.
I paused, then continued, “The Ninth Princess did not hate you. To her, marrying you or marrying anyone else would have been the same. None of it was her own choice. Besides, you now have your wife. If you had married the Ninth Princess back then, would you not have missed meeting Madam?”
His brows gradually relaxed. He asked, “Truly?”
I smiled. “This servant swears it on her life and family.”
And so he smiled too, seeming somewhat relieved. “It seems I overestimated my influence over the Ninth Princess. The world praises the Seventh Princess’s beauty, but hearing you speak like this, I feel the Ninth Princess must also have been a rare woman. What a pity…”
I picked up the teacup and leisurely took a sip. Outside the window, fine rain was falling, and the wind was damp and warm.
It reminded me of a rainy day many years ago, when Qiqi pulled me to the side of a rockery in the palace and pointed at a boy walking by in the distance.
“Jiujiu, that is your future husband.”
He passed by in a flash. At the time, he was only fourteen or fifteen, wearing purple robes and holding no umbrella, his figure still young and immature.
Back then, I did not look at him closely either.
Instead, what surfaced in my mind was a boy dressed in pale yellow, smiling with innocent brightness.
Thinking about it now, perhaps the reason I could be so at ease was because before him, I had already placed someone else in my heart.
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